Enough is enough.

Yep, that’s my white flag.

I’m having one of those “I give up” mornings.

Despite the little victories and opportunities that I’ve had with my finances, and the ones that lay ahead, I’m really feeling like I’m pushing a rope. Given my degree of fatigue, that rope is getting a bit heavy.

Yesterday I had this overwhelming “I want to hold onto my house” feeling. I love my house, I love my neighbourhood, and the fact that the garden is coming up makes everything seem a bit better. You’ve heard me go on about how I love it here, and you’ve also heard me whine about the cost of staying here. Yes, I have an opportunity to save money on interest as two banks put their best offers in front of me. That’s all good.

Today I realize that in the year ahead, I have a $15,000 gap in my budget. I’m not going to elaborate on what it is specifically, but between additional expenses (not optional) and lost revenue (again, not optional) I’m looking at a significant hit. I’m mindful that it took me about 15 months to pay off just less than that on my line of credit.

It’s kind of like the Universe’s way of saying “You? Fantasizing about retirement? Ha!”. 

What do I have on my side? I have a good job and I have a part-time job. I’m  generally employable (or at least I have been in the past). I have good kids. I’m reasonably smart and reasonably disciplined about most things.

Perhaps it’s a good thing that I have an option to look at my mortgage now. Looks like I’ll need some flexibility.

I can ask for extra shifts in my part-time gig, but frankly, I’m not sure I can do it.

At the moment I’m thinking that another opportunity I have is an all-star credit rating, and I just may have to subsidize myself and my family with that. Yes, I need to go back to the budget and make some serious changes and look for yet more options.

The other opportunity I have is my age. Despite how old I feel, I’m still reasonably young. I’ve got a good opportunity to recover…as long as I stop dreaming about retirement and keep on trucking. Or I could do as my Mother advised…start buying lottery tickets.

Mom also noted I was smart and I’d muddle through all these decisions and issues. I’d like to be rescued from all the option weighing, decision making, action planning, execution and monitoring of it all. I’d like to stop feeling inadequate that despite my conquering of a good amount of debt, that I still don’t have an emergency fund or a home maintenance fund.

For today, I’d just like the Universe to cut me some slack.


2 responses to this post.

  1. I think you should stop pushing and expecting so much of yourself. I wish you could have a month long break and come back all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Having said all that, $15k (especially after tax) is a lot of coin.

    Won’t the kid expenses be going down? Can you somehow split it? You find $5k in the budget in terms of decreased expenses and they find ways of making an extra $5k apiece and help out? What I like about my boys and I is that we are all in this together and they know what it takes out of me to have to provide and do everything without some help. I think it’s turning them into better men in a way. My mom died young from an excess of selflessness and if there was one take-away I learned from that, it was to ask for help when you need it.

    I just think it’s such a waste of life if you end up having a million bucks in paid off real estate in 15 years – but the road towards it was painful. Chances are you won’t even spend what you’d make on it anyway.

    Here’s a good study on Canadian retirement needs that I think is pretty accurate:

    Why be an overachiever?


    • Jacq, you’re a blessing to me. Thank you. I do need to settle down a bit and find some logical strategies. I’ve already decreased some expenses between yesterday and today. There are a few things for the girls that I normally foot the bill for, and I won’t be doing that anymore – they’re all small, but hey, like you said, it’ll make them better adults. Over the next week or so, I’ll finish with the expense chopping and the revenue passing off and perhaps earning a bit more, and then just be happy that I’ve done what I can. I appreciate the advise about the TFSA. I’m going to close out the TFSA I have with PCFinancial and open one that I can play with a bit more at CIBC.

      I’m one lucky blogger to have your eyes and your thoughtful and considered advice too. Thank you.


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